Practical advice for active listening
There’s a problem with most “active listening” advice.
Plenty of articles claim it’s a “must do”, but hardly any offer the “how to”.
Let me change that for you.
If active listening is about being fully present and engaged when someone else is speaking, and about trying to understand the feeling, meaning and intent behind their words, how do you know if you’re doing it effectively?
What are the best active listening techniques?
Most advice will tell you to:
- Show interest
- Respond with non-verbal cues
- Be empathetic
- Don’t interrupt
- Reflect
- Paraphrase
- Ask questions
But what does that look, feel and sound like?
Because active listening involves more than your ears. Your head, face, eyes, hands, torso, voice box and brain are needed too.
How to use your other senses as an active listener
To show interest:
- Look at the person speaking, orienting your whole body towards them (not just your head).
- Make eye contact if they are seeking it.
- Put down your phone, turn away from your laptop, stop what you were doing before they began speaking.
Non-verbal cues to convey you’re following the story and reflecting might be:
- Smiling
- Nodding
- Head tilting
- Blinking
- Frowning
- Raising eyebrows
- Keeping your torso open (i.e. not crossing your arms)
To convey empathy, don’t shy away from touch if the relationship and context allow it:
- Gently place your hand on their shoulder, forearm or hand.
- Remove it as soon as you sense or hear they want you to.
- Open the file if they give you one.
- Hold the object if they give you one.
The sounds of active listening are soft, slow and regular:
- Murmurs, like “hmm”, “uh huh”, “oh”, and “I see”
- Not drumming your fingers
- Your breathing is almost inaudible yet rhythmic
- Pauses are OK (don’t jump in with words to fill them)
When you paraphrase and ask questions:
- Your tone is neutral
- Your pace and volume are moderate
- Your words are brief and to the point
- You preface them with “What I’m hearing from you is…”
- You stay focused on their story (don’t talk about yours)
That’s what active listening looks and sounds like to an observer.
And the person you’re listening to? They feel seen, heard, and supported.
Want to improve your active listening skills? Book a complimentary and unconditional Communication Coaching Clarity Call.